theartofhealingbytrevor
theartofhealingbytrevor
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Licensed Associate Couples Therapist 👩❤️👨 Utah
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I have spent hundreds of hours with couples in therapy and I can tell you what moves their relationship from unsuccessful to successful. And no, more flowers or dates is not the answer.
The key is security. There is a lot that goes into a secure relationship.
Secure relationship is one where both partners feel safe, respected, and supported. It means being able to trust and rely on each other without fear of judgment or harm. In a secure relationship, there is open and honest communication, where both individuals can express their thoughts, feelings, and needs without fear of rejection. There is a sense of emotional and physical safety, where boundaries are respected and conflict is handled in a healthy and constructive manner.
It’s about feeling valued, appreciated, and loved for who you are, knowing that your partner has your best interests at heart and will be there for you through both good times and challenging moments.
My name is Trevor and I help people like you build secure relationships. Find the link in my bio to book a FREE consultation!
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#healthycommunication #securerelationship #happycouples #attachmentstyles #couplestherapist #relationshipadvice #utah #utahcounty #couplescoach
The key is security. There is a lot that goes into a secure relationship.
Secure relationship is one where both partners feel safe, respected, and supported. It means being able to trust and rely on each other without fear of judgment or harm. In a secure relationship, there is open and honest communication, where both individuals can express their thoughts, feelings, and needs without fear of rejection. There is a sense of emotional and physical safety, where boundaries are respected and conflict is handled in a healthy and constructive manner.
It’s about feeling valued, appreciated, and loved for who you are, knowing that your partner has your best interests at heart and will be there for you through both good times and challenging moments.
My name is Trevor and I help people like you build secure relationships. Find the link in my bio to book a FREE consultation!
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#healthycommunication #securerelationship #happycouples #attachmentstyles #couplestherapist #relationshipadvice #utah #utahcounty #couplescoach
Perverted truth is more dangerous than the sword.
The concepts and the language of therapy are good, and they holds truths that when applied with honesty, create loving and connecting relationships.
I think we all know very well that the truth can also be perverted and twisted.
Therapy language is not immune to manipulation and perversion. This is scary scar stuff because it looks a whole lot like goodness and truth, because it holds elements of goodness and truth, but there is insidious, manipulative, or destructive patterns and intentions below the surface.
I want to help you truly know how to have healthy communication while staying in the lane of influence rather than manipulation. And while protecting the autonomy and free will of others.
My name is Trevor. Me and my team help people like you create healthy and connected relationship.
See the link in my bio to book a free consultation.
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#healthycommunication #manipulation #therapist #nvc #couplestherapy
The concepts and the language of therapy are good, and they holds truths that when applied with honesty, create loving and connecting relationships.
I think we all know very well that the truth can also be perverted and twisted.
Therapy language is not immune to manipulation and perversion. This is scary scar stuff because it looks a whole lot like goodness and truth, because it holds elements of goodness and truth, but there is insidious, manipulative, or destructive patterns and intentions below the surface.
I want to help you truly know how to have healthy communication while staying in the lane of influence rather than manipulation. And while protecting the autonomy and free will of others.
My name is Trevor. Me and my team help people like you create healthy and connected relationship.
See the link in my bio to book a free consultation.
.
.
.
#healthycommunication #manipulation #therapist #nvc #couplestherapy
There are 1%er’s in everything. These are the 1% richest people, smartest people, or best athletes in the world.
Honestly I feel like I have a 1% relationship. I couldn’t imagine a more connected and fulfilling relationship.
I’m gonna share with you two factors that lead to better connection in a relationship.
Emotional attunement & emotional exploration.
Notice how both of these start with the word emotional. That’s because connection is based on the emotional experience between two people.
Emotional attunement is the act of tuning into the other persons felt emotional experience. When one partner is attuned to the other they become connected along the same emotional wave length. 🌊
The one attuning, feels empathy and has greater insight as to how to respond to the partner with care.
Emotional attunment is a skill that can be learned and I would say it is one of the most important skills a person can develop for increasing connection and security in their relationship.
The second one is emotional exploration. This is when you explore new topics, adventures, and experiences with your partner.
When you do these things, the experience is always emotional, but it is enhanced when you are mindful of the emotional experience you are creating and sharing through exploration.
You don’t get much of this by watching Netflix or scrolling on TikTok every night.
I created a resource to help you learn how to create connection and emotional intimacy, based on these exact principles, through better conversations. 💬
It’s called 19 Conversations Closer: a mix of research backed trainings and scripted conversations to help you increase closeness and connection.
Check out my bio for the link to purchase. 🔗
#couplestherapist #relationshipadvice #connection #marriageworks #relationshiptherapy
Honestly I feel like I have a 1% relationship. I couldn’t imagine a more connected and fulfilling relationship.
I’m gonna share with you two factors that lead to better connection in a relationship.
Emotional attunement & emotional exploration.
Notice how both of these start with the word emotional. That’s because connection is based on the emotional experience between two people.
Emotional attunement is the act of tuning into the other persons felt emotional experience. When one partner is attuned to the other they become connected along the same emotional wave length. 🌊
The one attuning, feels empathy and has greater insight as to how to respond to the partner with care.
Emotional attunment is a skill that can be learned and I would say it is one of the most important skills a person can develop for increasing connection and security in their relationship.
The second one is emotional exploration. This is when you explore new topics, adventures, and experiences with your partner.
When you do these things, the experience is always emotional, but it is enhanced when you are mindful of the emotional experience you are creating and sharing through exploration.
You don’t get much of this by watching Netflix or scrolling on TikTok every night.
I created a resource to help you learn how to create connection and emotional intimacy, based on these exact principles, through better conversations. 💬
It’s called 19 Conversations Closer: a mix of research backed trainings and scripted conversations to help you increase closeness and connection.
Check out my bio for the link to purchase. 🔗
#couplestherapist #relationshipadvice #connection #marriageworks #relationshiptherapy
👑 Compassion is king because it leaves room for the ability to provide comfort.
My name is Trevor and I help people like you find, keep, and create happy and healthy relationships.
Go to the link in my bio to book a session with me or a member of my team.
Whether you are looking for help as an individual or as a couple we can help you.
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#couplestherapist #couplescoach #datingcoach #marriageworks #relationshipadvice
My name is Trevor and I help people like you find, keep, and create happy and healthy relationships.
Go to the link in my bio to book a session with me or a member of my team.
Whether you are looking for help as an individual or as a couple we can help you.
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.
.
#couplestherapist #couplescoach #datingcoach #marriageworks #relationshipadvice
The hierarchal levels of relationship fulfillment are:
1. Individual stability.
2. Collective stability.
3. Security.
4. Connection.
5. Shared meaning and purpose.
This post is for those seeking greater levels of security.
💬 Tell me what you think about what I’ve shared. How are mistakes and repairs are an important part of a relationship?
#couplestherapy #relationshipadvice #securerelationship #secureattachment #couplescounselor
1. Individual stability.
2. Collective stability.
3. Security.
4. Connection.
5. Shared meaning and purpose.
This post is for those seeking greater levels of security.
💬 Tell me what you think about what I’ve shared. How are mistakes and repairs are an important part of a relationship?
#couplestherapy #relationshipadvice #securerelationship #secureattachment #couplescounselor
One of the things that I first noticed about dating my wife was that we had so much fun together. It was easy. It was natural.
Maybe you felt the same way when you first found your partner. Then, overtime, maybe that fun started to wear off. Maybe you seemed to have more arguments than good times.
Can I shift your perspective about fun and relationships a bit?
😱 Lack of fun in your relationship is not the problem is the symptom of a greater problem.
The real fun sucking problem lies deeper than the frequency of dates or good ideas for recreation.
📈There is a direct correlation between how secure your relationship is, and how much fun you will have. 🤓
In a secure relationship, both partners feel deeply confident that the other one has their back. They feel an undertone of love and care in their relationship. Their disagreements rarely lead to arguments and conflict.
When there is some sort of conflict, repairs are made quickly and trust is evident.
✨ When you have more security in your relationship, fun is a natural byproduct. The world feels light and easy. ✨
You can joke and laugh, even in the hard moments. It’s not a chore to have fun when your relationship is secure.
🫧 Fun is not contingent upon your plans. It’s woven into your daily life. It’s found in doing the dishes, chasing the kids around the house, cleaning up the bathroom, and grocery shopping.
And yes, being intentional and planning fun things and dates is really important but if your relationship is not secure, planning a date night to outback steakhouse is really just planning to have a fight with a side of steak and potatoes. 🥩🥔
So if you’re wanting to have more fun, my encouragement, deep in the level of security in your relationship.
If you’re not sure how and what my help feel free to book a free consultation.
📬 Go to my bio and click on the link to book!
#couplestherapy #couplescounselor #relationshipadvice #securerelationship #utahtherapist #couplestherapist
Maybe you felt the same way when you first found your partner. Then, overtime, maybe that fun started to wear off. Maybe you seemed to have more arguments than good times.
Can I shift your perspective about fun and relationships a bit?
😱 Lack of fun in your relationship is not the problem is the symptom of a greater problem.
The real fun sucking problem lies deeper than the frequency of dates or good ideas for recreation.
📈There is a direct correlation between how secure your relationship is, and how much fun you will have. 🤓
In a secure relationship, both partners feel deeply confident that the other one has their back. They feel an undertone of love and care in their relationship. Their disagreements rarely lead to arguments and conflict.
When there is some sort of conflict, repairs are made quickly and trust is evident.
✨ When you have more security in your relationship, fun is a natural byproduct. The world feels light and easy. ✨
You can joke and laugh, even in the hard moments. It’s not a chore to have fun when your relationship is secure.
🫧 Fun is not contingent upon your plans. It’s woven into your daily life. It’s found in doing the dishes, chasing the kids around the house, cleaning up the bathroom, and grocery shopping.
And yes, being intentional and planning fun things and dates is really important but if your relationship is not secure, planning a date night to outback steakhouse is really just planning to have a fight with a side of steak and potatoes. 🥩🥔
So if you’re wanting to have more fun, my encouragement, deep in the level of security in your relationship.
If you’re not sure how and what my help feel free to book a free consultation.
📬 Go to my bio and click on the link to book!
#couplestherapy #couplescounselor #relationshipadvice #securerelationship #utahtherapist #couplestherapist
🫣 What do you usually do when your partner is in a bad mood?
If you find yourself feeling fear, anxiety, getting critical, or pushing away we can help you.
My name is Trevor. Me and my team help people like you create healthy and connected relationship.
🔗 See the link in my bio to book a free consultation.
#couplescounselor #couplestherapy #relationshiptherapy #relationshipadvice #utahtherapist #securerelationship
If you find yourself feeling fear, anxiety, getting critical, or pushing away we can help you.
My name is Trevor. Me and my team help people like you create healthy and connected relationship.
🔗 See the link in my bio to book a free consultation.
#couplescounselor #couplestherapy #relationshiptherapy #relationshipadvice #utahtherapist #securerelationship
Have you ever asked yourself these questions? 💭
Am I being clingy? What is normal to ask for in a relationship?
Maybe this list can help. 👇🏼
Before we get into it I want to give a shout-out to @your.relationship.reset for this awesome list!
Here is a list of 9 relationship needs that aren’t too much.
1 To feel seen, heard, and known
2 Consistent & reliable communication
3 Trust, having a partner’s actions match their words
4 Being able to express needs w/o being invalidated
5 Boundaries respected & supported
6 Both people working to address conflict (not avoid)
7 Feeling safe & secure (not on edge)
8 Knowing where you stand with each other (not constantly worried about breaking up)
9 Being able to share how you feel w/o being shamed
You do not need to be ashamed of having needs in your relationship!
⚠️ Now here is the warning. Sometimes when your needs carry a lot of emotion this can lead you to criticize your partner rather than asking them for what you need.
For example, the need to feel seen and heard can come out like this…
“You never listen to me!”
When you criticize like this you are deceiving yourself. you think you’re asking for what you need but you’re not. you’re simply pointing out what your partner is not doing. you are taking a blaming and judging stance rather than an asking stance.
Asking for what you need what sounds like…
“You really listening and hearing the things that I share with you is so important to me. Can you listen and tune into what I am saying right now?”
If you share like this you are inviting your partner to come close rather than telling them how horrible they are and pushing them away.
My name is Trevor and I help people like you create secure relationships.
See the link in my bio for a free consultation and to find my offers. 🔗
#relationshipadvice #couplestherapy #utahtherapist #secureattachment #securerelationships
Am I being clingy? What is normal to ask for in a relationship?
Maybe this list can help. 👇🏼
Before we get into it I want to give a shout-out to @your.relationship.reset for this awesome list!
Here is a list of 9 relationship needs that aren’t too much.
1 To feel seen, heard, and known
2 Consistent & reliable communication
3 Trust, having a partner’s actions match their words
4 Being able to express needs w/o being invalidated
5 Boundaries respected & supported
6 Both people working to address conflict (not avoid)
7 Feeling safe & secure (not on edge)
8 Knowing where you stand with each other (not constantly worried about breaking up)
9 Being able to share how you feel w/o being shamed
You do not need to be ashamed of having needs in your relationship!
⚠️ Now here is the warning. Sometimes when your needs carry a lot of emotion this can lead you to criticize your partner rather than asking them for what you need.
For example, the need to feel seen and heard can come out like this…
“You never listen to me!”
When you criticize like this you are deceiving yourself. you think you’re asking for what you need but you’re not. you’re simply pointing out what your partner is not doing. you are taking a blaming and judging stance rather than an asking stance.
Asking for what you need what sounds like…
“You really listening and hearing the things that I share with you is so important to me. Can you listen and tune into what I am saying right now?”
If you share like this you are inviting your partner to come close rather than telling them how horrible they are and pushing them away.
My name is Trevor and I help people like you create secure relationships.
See the link in my bio for a free consultation and to find my offers. 🔗
#relationshipadvice #couplestherapy #utahtherapist #secureattachment #securerelationships
The 5th idea is to have “Closer Conversations” 💬
Let me explain. Closer conversations are conversations specifically designed to help increase emotional intimacy.
Emotional intimacy is a result of two things.
1. Emotional attunement.
2. Emotional exploration.
Emotional attunement is the act of emotionally tuning in to the other persons experience.
When one partner emotionally attunes, they become connected to the same felt experience along that emotional thread. 🫂
The one attuning feels empathy and has greater insight as to how to respond to their partner with care.
Emotional attunement is a skill that can be learned! ✨
And then there’s emotional exploration.
Emotional exploration is when you explore new topics, adventures, and experiences with your partner. 💡
The experience is always emotional but is enhanced when you are mindful of the emotional experience you are creating through exploration.
This looks like talking about topics and asking questions that take you into new emotional places.
If you want my help to have closer conversations, learn how to practice emotional attunement, and you don’t want to have to try to come up with questions on your own, I have a tool for you!
💬 I created 19 conversations specifically designed to help create closeness and connection. Find the link 🔗 in my bio to access the “19 Conversations Closer.”
#longdistancerelationship #longdistancerelationships #longdistancelove #couplestherapist #emotionalcloseness
Let me explain. Closer conversations are conversations specifically designed to help increase emotional intimacy.
Emotional intimacy is a result of two things.
1. Emotional attunement.
2. Emotional exploration.
Emotional attunement is the act of emotionally tuning in to the other persons experience.
When one partner emotionally attunes, they become connected to the same felt experience along that emotional thread. 🫂
The one attuning feels empathy and has greater insight as to how to respond to their partner with care.
Emotional attunement is a skill that can be learned! ✨
And then there’s emotional exploration.
Emotional exploration is when you explore new topics, adventures, and experiences with your partner. 💡
The experience is always emotional but is enhanced when you are mindful of the emotional experience you are creating through exploration.
This looks like talking about topics and asking questions that take you into new emotional places.
If you want my help to have closer conversations, learn how to practice emotional attunement, and you don’t want to have to try to come up with questions on your own, I have a tool for you!
💬 I created 19 conversations specifically designed to help create closeness and connection. Find the link 🔗 in my bio to access the “19 Conversations Closer.”
#longdistancerelationship #longdistancerelationships #longdistancelove #couplestherapist #emotionalcloseness
Let’s get into the nitty gritty of healing hurt in a relationship.
First I want to shout out @Jason VanRuler whose content inspired this post. If you don’t follow him you are missing out.
Hurtful moments in a relationship create emotional wounds.
A wound cannot be ignored and heal. It takes cleaning, ointment, bandages, and consistent care.
Embarrassing your partner in front of friends, not showing up for them in a moment of need, rejecting a partner’s vulnerability, and betrayal are all emotionally wounding moments.
People don't want to spend time nurturing physical wounds. It's not pleasant looking at broken and cut parts of the body.
The same is true for emotional wounds. It's not pleasant feeling the guilt and hearing the hurt that we have caused our partners.
It's not pleasant, but it's necessary.
Emotional wounds, leave a person with negative, fearful and insecure beliefs about their partner, themselves, and the relationship.
In order to heal emotional wounds couples need to create new emotional experiences that help correct or overwrite the negative emotional impact mentioned above.
This is where we start cleaning the wound and applying ointment.
The wounded partner needs to be able to share the impact of the emotional wound with their partner. They need to be able to share the new fears, lungs, and pain associated with the hurt.
The other partner needs to be there for them. They need to come close, listen, hold the pain, and demonstrate that they truly feel the devastating impact of the wound.
Just as you need to change the bandages on a wound you will need to revisit emotional wounds multiple times for them to heal.
Some wounds need more attention than others.
Not celebrating your partner when they accomplished something important may need a conversation or two.
An affair will need repeated conversations, hugs, and slow gentle care over a lifetime.
My name is Trevor and I help people like you to create, find, and repair their most important relationships and I would love to help you.
Book a free consultation today with the link in my bio! 🔗
Thank you for following the Art of Healing.
#relationshipadvice #therapist #coupletherapy #utahtherapist #emotionalhealing #relationshipsdvice101
First I want to shout out @Jason VanRuler whose content inspired this post. If you don’t follow him you are missing out.
Hurtful moments in a relationship create emotional wounds.
A wound cannot be ignored and heal. It takes cleaning, ointment, bandages, and consistent care.
Embarrassing your partner in front of friends, not showing up for them in a moment of need, rejecting a partner’s vulnerability, and betrayal are all emotionally wounding moments.
People don't want to spend time nurturing physical wounds. It's not pleasant looking at broken and cut parts of the body.
The same is true for emotional wounds. It's not pleasant feeling the guilt and hearing the hurt that we have caused our partners.
It's not pleasant, but it's necessary.
Emotional wounds, leave a person with negative, fearful and insecure beliefs about their partner, themselves, and the relationship.
In order to heal emotional wounds couples need to create new emotional experiences that help correct or overwrite the negative emotional impact mentioned above.
This is where we start cleaning the wound and applying ointment.
The wounded partner needs to be able to share the impact of the emotional wound with their partner. They need to be able to share the new fears, lungs, and pain associated with the hurt.
The other partner needs to be there for them. They need to come close, listen, hold the pain, and demonstrate that they truly feel the devastating impact of the wound.
Just as you need to change the bandages on a wound you will need to revisit emotional wounds multiple times for them to heal.
Some wounds need more attention than others.
Not celebrating your partner when they accomplished something important may need a conversation or two.
An affair will need repeated conversations, hugs, and slow gentle care over a lifetime.
My name is Trevor and I help people like you to create, find, and repair their most important relationships and I would love to help you.
Book a free consultation today with the link in my bio! 🔗
Thank you for following the Art of Healing.
#relationshipadvice #therapist #coupletherapy #utahtherapist #emotionalhealing #relationshipsdvice101
Two weeks ago, our puppy Frank passed away unexpectedly. He was more than just a dog in so many ways. He was my wife’s constant companion and support as she has been nearly bed ridden over the past few months with a really challenging pregnancy.
Though we are devastated, we are actively working through the grief together.
All grief is different but here are a few things we have been doing to process grief. Maybe it can help you now or in the future.
We have held pain AND gratitude at the same time.
This looks like feeling the hurt and longing to be with Frank as well as the gratitude for the time we had with him.
It looks like crying at the sting of missing him and laughing at the funny memories we have of him at the same time.
We have made active efforts to move towards what’s meaningful or those things that give us purpose.
This looks like serving others, prayer, remembering God and his grace, taking care of ourselves and each other, making plans for the future, making our bed, planning something purposeful for the day even if it’s so small, and day dreaming about our baby boy who will be born soon.
When you grieve, you encounter love in a whole new way. You obtain a greater appreciation for life in general. We have felt an increase in love for all people over the past few days. Focusing on that love has helped us to be filled with a renewing strength to endure sadness, hurt, and loss.
Most importantly, we have done this together. We have turned towards each other. We have faced the sad moments as a team and for that I am deeply grateful. 🤎
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#griefjourney #complexgrief #emotionalhealing #couplestherapy #therapist
Though we are devastated, we are actively working through the grief together.
All grief is different but here are a few things we have been doing to process grief. Maybe it can help you now or in the future.
We have held pain AND gratitude at the same time.
This looks like feeling the hurt and longing to be with Frank as well as the gratitude for the time we had with him.
It looks like crying at the sting of missing him and laughing at the funny memories we have of him at the same time.
We have made active efforts to move towards what’s meaningful or those things that give us purpose.
This looks like serving others, prayer, remembering God and his grace, taking care of ourselves and each other, making plans for the future, making our bed, planning something purposeful for the day even if it’s so small, and day dreaming about our baby boy who will be born soon.
When you grieve, you encounter love in a whole new way. You obtain a greater appreciation for life in general. We have felt an increase in love for all people over the past few days. Focusing on that love has helped us to be filled with a renewing strength to endure sadness, hurt, and loss.
Most importantly, we have done this together. We have turned towards each other. We have faced the sad moments as a team and for that I am deeply grateful. 🤎
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#griefjourney #complexgrief #emotionalhealing #couplestherapy #therapist
What does it mean to take 100% ownership and stop playing the victim? 🧐
Let’s be really clear about one thing upfront.
Taking responsibility and taking ownership 100% two different things.
⛔️ I am not encouraging anyone to take responsibility for abuse. There are actual victims in this world and my heart breaks for those people.
You can get caught in an infinite loop of truly being a victim if you enable things like abuse and manipulation by claiming that you are responsible for someone treating you in a way that no one should ever be treated. My hope is that this post will encourage those people to exit the cycle of abuse by taking ownership enough to run, set boundaries, and get the help they need.
👀 With that in mind let’s speak to a broader audience. For those of you who are in all kinds of relationships.
When I mention 100% ownership I’m talking about taking 100% ownership of what you can control. You can't control your partners behavior, but you can control how you respond to it.
You can't control if they break your boundary, but you can choose to hold your boundary.
You can't control the fact that you had a traumatic upbringing that leaves you with insecure feelings and behavior, but you can take ownership of how you respond to moments when your partner triggers you.
You can learn to take ownership and control your reaction to those triggers instead of making your partner the enemy.
When you take 100% ownership you take on a burden.
The burden of having to make hard decisions, setting boundaries, being humble, owning your mistakes, and facing the sometimes daunting task of healing the wounded parts of yourself. ❤️🩹
That is a burden worth bearing. What do you think?
Let’s start a conversation in the comments. 💬
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.
.
#relationshiptherapy #relationshipstruggles #relationshipsdvice101 #couplestherapist #marriage #therapyiscool
Let’s be really clear about one thing upfront.
Taking responsibility and taking ownership 100% two different things.
⛔️ I am not encouraging anyone to take responsibility for abuse. There are actual victims in this world and my heart breaks for those people.
You can get caught in an infinite loop of truly being a victim if you enable things like abuse and manipulation by claiming that you are responsible for someone treating you in a way that no one should ever be treated. My hope is that this post will encourage those people to exit the cycle of abuse by taking ownership enough to run, set boundaries, and get the help they need.
👀 With that in mind let’s speak to a broader audience. For those of you who are in all kinds of relationships.
When I mention 100% ownership I’m talking about taking 100% ownership of what you can control. You can't control your partners behavior, but you can control how you respond to it.
You can't control if they break your boundary, but you can choose to hold your boundary.
You can't control the fact that you had a traumatic upbringing that leaves you with insecure feelings and behavior, but you can take ownership of how you respond to moments when your partner triggers you.
You can learn to take ownership and control your reaction to those triggers instead of making your partner the enemy.
When you take 100% ownership you take on a burden.
The burden of having to make hard decisions, setting boundaries, being humble, owning your mistakes, and facing the sometimes daunting task of healing the wounded parts of yourself. ❤️🩹
That is a burden worth bearing. What do you think?
Let’s start a conversation in the comments. 💬
.
.
.
#relationshiptherapy #relationshipstruggles #relationshipsdvice101 #couplestherapist #marriage #therapyiscool