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Sharon Kwon, LCSW


BIPOC 🇰🇷 Psychotherapist Heal from Intergenerational Trauma www.sharonkwon.com

Raise your hand if you’re guilty of feeling this way toward a partner or loved one 🙋🏻‍♀️

It might be surprising to hear, but hyper independence that glorifies self sufficiency is actually a sign of avoidant attachment and a response to trauma.

You probably grew up in a household where your needs didn’t get met and so you had to get good at meeting them yourself—out of survival.

And now as an adult, you’re great at taking care of yourself and so when others express their needs, this might come off as excessive and needy to you—even though having needs is a normal, healthy, and necessary part of life.

But instead, you end up projecting your feelings that you were a burden for having needs onto others and this makes you the emotionally unavailable partner.

But the truth is, we all have needs and that’s okay.

Next time you catch yourself feeling this way, try acknowledging this part of you who felt like you were a burden for having needs—validate that part and reassure that part that you deserve to have your needs met, just like everyone else.

Do you find yourself cringing when partners aren’t as self sufficient as you?

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