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Nadia Addesi


Registered social worker & psychotherapist ❤️ nadia@select.co book a session👇🏻

Follow @nadiaaddesi for more Losing attraction and passion happens even in the healthiest relationships. This cycle is natural in love, intimacy & attraction. Although, it is important to understand when it happens to gain control over it & not get lost in the “ebbs”

Psychologists & relationship experts John Gottman & Sue Johnson explain that disconnection isn’t uncommon in relationships. They believe that it’s important not to avoid these feelings, but instead lean into them as a way to turn them back on & explore how to re-spark and re-engage that passion. Losing attraction or feeling low in a relationship does not mean the relationship is going to fail. They explain that attraction often fades when there is not enough attention in the relationship.

Treat your relationship like a gas tank, and don’t allow it to run on empty, or super low. Check in with each other to figure out where it’s at & if it needs to be filled up.
Here are some ideas:
- being present & spending time with just each other (no phones or distractions)
- date night or day just the two of you
- Say I love you everyday
- Turn towards your partner for bids of connection (I have a previous video in this)
- Explore the ways in which you both want to display intimacy & make it priority

Disclaimer: this video does not apply to any forms of abuse or toxic relationships.

Inspiration- the amazing:
@Anxious Love Coach ❤️


#mentalhealth #anxiety #trauma #unhealedtrauma #depression #stress #ptsd #complextrauma #cptsd #motivation #procrastination #wellness #therapy #therapist #mentalhealthmatters #socialanxiety #bpd #bipolar #dsm #adhd
Rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) is an intense emotional response triggered by perceived rejection or criticism. It can show up with people who have ADHD, autism, anxiety, depression & more. It often leads to feelings of overwhelm, anxiety and emotional pain. It can also make us avoid social situations due to the fear of rejection.

How it can show up:

1. Hyper-Sensitivity: people with RSD may be highly in tune to any cues of rejection, even if they’re very subtle and not personal. This may cause a person to overanalyze conversations, body language, and interactions. A person with RSD might misinterpret neutral or positive signs as rejection,

2. Avoidance Behaviour: People with RSD as mentioned above may avoid social situations, or even relationships due to a rooted fear of rejection,.

3. Emotional Reactivity: Reactions to perceived rejection or criticism can be intense and overwhelming for someone with RSD. This may cause an individual to have a strong reaction to something that isn’t actually negative.

4. Negative Self-Perception: People with RSD might internalize rejections, leading to low self-esteem and self-doubt.

Tips to help:
1. Mindfulness and grounding : Mindfulness techniques are not always easy but they can help us become more aware of our emotional reactions while grounding us to learn how to stay present.

2. Become aware of our body and mind connection: By becoming more aware of our body’s cues and tensions associated with emotional distress, we can learn to understand when we’re getting triggered and why.
3. Regulating our Nervous System: Rejection sensitivity can activate the body's stress response and lead to heightened anxiety or other overwhelming emotions. Somatic exercises, such as deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or gentle movement, can help regulate the nervous system, allowing us to feel safe and in turn regulate our emotions surrounding the rejection.

@Emma ✨ADHD | MH 🧠
If you are in a relationship where one partner wants to talk things out immediately, and the other person needs space to have a productive conversation later on, you are not alone. Many couples experience this, because our communication styles differ based on who we are. This can be a really challenging compromise, and in some cases results in either partner putting their needs aside to resolve the conflict, which unfortunately can lead to resentment and built up pain.

It’s a challenging cycle because the person trying to communicate in the moment, feels abandoned and alone. The person who needs space feels overwhelmed and controlled. It’s a cycle that doesn’t get resolved right away, and one that requires work.

One of my favourite tips I heard for people in relationships with someone they love is “always assume positive intent.” When you partner needs space, it’s because they want to calm down and have a productive conversation with you that leads to a resolution. When your partner wants to talk about it in the moment, it’s because they don’t enjoy the conflict and want to move on with you together. Both positive intentions, just communicated in different ways.

So, now what?
1. understand you partners reaction on a deeper level to build empathy. Maybe the person who needs space grew up in an environment where they got in trouble for having strong emotions, and they’re worried about expressing those in front of you. Maybe the person who needs to talk right now grew up with parents who would never communicate and had a relationship full of resentment. Talk it out!
2. Have conversations about conflict communication styles before an actual conflict. For example. “Just because I need space doesn’t mean I’m abandoning you, I still love you and that’s the reason I take the space” then remind your partner of this in the argument
3. Compromise- this one is hard, but one of the only ways to end this cycle. What does space look like? What does talking about it now look like? Is there a middle ground. Can one partner go for a 15 minute walk and when they come back be ready to talk?
4. Gottman explains that changes must be driven by a desire to be a better partner. He explains that when a partner is willing to put in the work to change their approach, the relationship will change for the better.

Lets talk an avoidant attachment style..

My partner can say the smallest thing and my fear of abandonment masked as hyperindependence kicks in & convinces me to be alone.
Vc: @handuckworth ❤️

Let’s talk a dismissive avoidant attachment. (FYI It’s much more complex than this)

A dismissive avoidant often grows up with parents or guardians who are unavailable and unresponsive to their emotional needs. Due to their parents lack of consistency and presence, the child learns to become independent at a young age. They often learn how to self-sooth and help themselves through distress from childhood. For example, a child who is told not to cry and is not comforted when they do cry or a child who is praised for suppressing their emotions.

Signs of a dismissive attachment style can include:
- Extremely independent & not wanting to rely on anyone but self
- Downplaying how important relationships are
- Pulling away when others get too close
- Having an very high sense of self & not looking to others for reassurance
- Finding it uncomfortable to open up and be vulnerable
- Avoiding intimacy and feeling overwhelmed when people become attached

1. Self-compassion is always number 1. Once you acknowledge what you experienced in childhood, treat yourself with kindness and be gentle
2. Get in tune with your body & emotions. If you struggle to figure out what emotions you’re experiencing; use a feeling wheel (free on google) or, try to spend some time figuring out where you feel certain things in your body when emotions come, that way in the future you can use your body as an indicator to what you’re feeling and why
3. Once you are able to experience certain emotions try to understand when and why you shut down. Be compassionate to yourself when you shut down, but start small to unpack if you feel it’s safe
4. Practice asking for support and what you need. This can be very challenging but start small to build trust in your partner & relationship.
5. Schedule time with your partner (or even friends) to listen to them and share small vulnerabilities with them. This may include apologizing & taking accountability when you pull away or push others away when things get emotional
Tips in caption ❤️ Everyone dissociates but not always to the degree of a disorder. Think of dissociation as a spectrum, where on one side we have things like zoning out, mild day dreaming, imaginary friends, imagining future scenarios and on the other side we have depersonalization, derealization & dissociation disorders. This can also look different for other people

When we experienced trauma; we often dissociate as a way to protect ourselves. Our body and mind in those moments felt that this strategy would keep us safe by disconnecting from the pain we are feeling. This can take place during a traumatic event, or after when we are reminded of one because although the threat has passed, our brain still believes there is danger and our body wants to avoid it.

When you struggle with dissociation it is important to bring yourself back to present moment. This isn’t always easy but things such as ice, cold water, dancing, shaking, giving yourself a hug, gently pinching / touching your arms & legs can help. Essentially, you want to try to engage your senses and move your body and connect to the hear and now. We need to focus on somatic exercises. The body often holds the memory, so we need to make the body feel safe.

It is also helpful to remind yourself that dissociation has been a tool that has kept you safe & what your body and mind deemed best in the moment. Judging yourself for this will not make it easier. Safety affirmations can help as well “I am safe” “Everything in this present moment is okay” ❤️

Ib: @mariankathlee
TIPS HERE: A few months ago I got diagnosed with ADHD. After years of feeling confused and discouraged by my own behaviour and decisions, I was finally able to get some clarity.

On of the biggest thing I struggle with because of ADHD is executive dysfunction. I know I am not alone with this as executive dysfunction is a common challenge among those with ADHD. If you don’t already know, executive dysfunction disrupts the brain’s ability to regulate and manage higher-level functions. Sometimes it feels like what I said in this video, the desire to do things but feeling stuck.

For years I thought it was laziness & a lack of motivation but it’s not. People who struggle with this often:
- have time blindness
- have a hard time organizing their thoughts & actions
- struggle to start projects or complete projects
- feel unproductive
- procrastinate
- forget things easily
- dissociate
- struggle with mood

Note: this does not just apply to ADHD , but can also occur in other neurodevelopmental or neurological disorders.

Here are some tips I have been implementing to help myself & my clients:
1. Break all your tasks into smaller tasks. When I say small, I truly mean small such 5-10 minutes. Larger tasks overwhelm us, we need to make them seem more manageable.
2. Set visual reminders! Put sticky notes around, write things down on paper or even use the background of your home screen to remind you what you need to be done
3. Recently, we had @nasneuro on our podcast who gave the amazing suggestion of doing the most difficult or dreadful task first. Once you get this out of the way, the motivation will follow
4. Establish routines. I know, this is a common suggestion for ADHD but it’s for a reason. Having a consistent schedule can help reduce decision-making fatigue and increase productivity.
5. Have an accountability partner where you both check in one one another and hold each other accountable. This will help you have more of a reason to complete your tasks
6. Make sure your basics are taken care of. Ensure you’re sleeping, eating & moving your body!

@tahls 💫💕 ❤️
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