jen.deck
Attachment + Nervous System
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This is the profound part. I know it’s still important to talk about things after they happen, to still go through the rupture and repair process.
But I also have the relief that my kids initially get that it’s not about them.
They know before I have to explain or apologize even, that my body was scared.
That I didn’t want to be mean or react towards them, but in that moment my body felt threatened by them.
It’s the same exact way they feel. So they get it on a deeper level even than just my words.
#mommentalhealth #stressedmom #tiredmoms #anxiousmom #overstimulatedmom #parentingpodcast #nervoussystemregulation #tiredmoms #kidsmentalhealth
But I also have the relief that my kids initially get that it’s not about them.
They know before I have to explain or apologize even, that my body was scared.
That I didn’t want to be mean or react towards them, but in that moment my body felt threatened by them.
It’s the same exact way they feel. So they get it on a deeper level even than just my words.
#mommentalhealth #stressedmom #tiredmoms #anxiousmom #overstimulatedmom #parentingpodcast #nervoussystemregulation #tiredmoms #kidsmentalhealth
This gives them a deeper sense of knowing it’s ok and healthy to feel your emotions. And you’re modeling simply that your body doesn’t feel safe or good and you can share that and it can be safe.
My girls understand their nervous systems. They understand how their bodies work. We talk all the time about it. They bring up how it’s their nervous system in whatever situation we’re dealing with. They have this huge awareness.
They get to have this core knowing that they’re human and their nervous system is the main source of how they’re able to feel. And when you’re all living together with this as a foundational guide. You understand each other more. You can love each other more!
#parentingpodcast #nervoussystemregulation #tiredmoms #kidsmentalhealth #mommentalhealth #stressedmom #tiredmoms #anxiousmom #overstimulatedmom
My girls understand their nervous systems. They understand how their bodies work. We talk all the time about it. They bring up how it’s their nervous system in whatever situation we’re dealing with. They have this huge awareness.
They get to have this core knowing that they’re human and their nervous system is the main source of how they’re able to feel. And when you’re all living together with this as a foundational guide. You understand each other more. You can love each other more!
#parentingpodcast #nervoussystemregulation #tiredmoms #kidsmentalhealth #mommentalhealth #stressedmom #tiredmoms #anxiousmom #overstimulatedmom
The difference between being calm and being authentic.
This can mess up so much and I don’t think many of us are aware of it at all, and the layers to it, for us and for our kids.
So this would be like when you’re really mad, but you put on a happy face to try to either fake your calm or just try to change the mood.
Going back to nervous systems read nervous systems. Your good intentions, doesn’t really matter at all and actually can make it worse because your child’s system reads the incongruence as a threat.
Their body feels your energy and dysregulation, but they hear a calming tone of voice. So this messes with their intuition because it confuses their signals. They feel something is happening internally for them, but it doesn’t match what they see externally and it’s very confusing to the body. And they will escalate to the degree that you’re not being authentic.
So this actually for some moms can be life changing. Even just for your wellbeing. This gives you the real permission to be authentic.
#stressedmom #coregulation #nervoussystemhealth #parentingpodcast #tiredmoms #anxiousmom #momstress #mommentalhealth #stressedmommy #overstimulatedmom
This can mess up so much and I don’t think many of us are aware of it at all, and the layers to it, for us and for our kids.
So this would be like when you’re really mad, but you put on a happy face to try to either fake your calm or just try to change the mood.
Going back to nervous systems read nervous systems. Your good intentions, doesn’t really matter at all and actually can make it worse because your child’s system reads the incongruence as a threat.
Their body feels your energy and dysregulation, but they hear a calming tone of voice. So this messes with their intuition because it confuses their signals. They feel something is happening internally for them, but it doesn’t match what they see externally and it’s very confusing to the body. And they will escalate to the degree that you’re not being authentic.
So this actually for some moms can be life changing. Even just for your wellbeing. This gives you the real permission to be authentic.
#stressedmom #coregulation #nervoussystemhealth #parentingpodcast #tiredmoms #anxiousmom #momstress #mommentalhealth #stressedmommy #overstimulatedmom
Now I’m going to talk about what happens when your child receives co-regulation and starts to self regulate.
When your child is regulated. They behave. They naturally cooperate. Because they feel safe and they are connected.
If they seem to be against you or what you’re telling them to do. They’re actually listening! Not to you, but to what’s even more important than what we want. They are listening to their bodies.
The point here is we don’t want to stop, suppress or condition them away from listening to their intuition. That’s the first block we can cause.
#raisinglittles #emotionalregulation #nervoussystemregulation #kidsmentalhealth #stressedmom
#coregulation #nervoussystemhealth #parentingpodcast #parentingtoddlers #childhooddevelopment #tiredmoms #anxiousmom #momstress #emotionalintelligenceforkids #mommentalhealth #kidsbehavior #stressedmommy
#coregulationparenting #overstimulatedmom #emotionalregulationforkids
#emotionalregulationstrategies #kidsmentalhealthawareness
When your child is regulated. They behave. They naturally cooperate. Because they feel safe and they are connected.
If they seem to be against you or what you’re telling them to do. They’re actually listening! Not to you, but to what’s even more important than what we want. They are listening to their bodies.
The point here is we don’t want to stop, suppress or condition them away from listening to their intuition. That’s the first block we can cause.
#raisinglittles #emotionalregulation #nervoussystemregulation #kidsmentalhealth #stressedmom
#coregulation #nervoussystemhealth #parentingpodcast #parentingtoddlers #childhooddevelopment #tiredmoms #anxiousmom #momstress #emotionalintelligenceforkids #mommentalhealth #kidsbehavior #stressedmommy
#coregulationparenting #overstimulatedmom #emotionalregulationforkids
#emotionalregulationstrategies #kidsmentalhealthawareness
So this is how this all works. Nervous systems read nervous systems.
All happening without us knowing or needing to be conscious of it.
It’s really why you have to be aware and connected to your body. Because it’s something you kind of always have to be on top of. It’s like dysregulation is contagious. And the way you keep from catching it, is how you take care of your energy.
A lot of times the main source of stress is actually having to adjust your energy to another’s dysregulation. Our bodies genuinely have this power over another’s body. So it’s very tricky and why baseline is really the most important part to staying regulated.
Their behavior can be your dysregulation.
#raisinglittles #emotionalregulation #nervoussystemregulation #kidsmentalhealth #stressedmom
#coregulation #nervoussystemhealth #parentingpodcast #parentingtoddlers #childhooddevelopment #tiredmoms #anxiousmom #momstress #emotionalintelligenceforkids #mommentalhealth #kidsbehavior #stressedmommy
#coregulationparenting #overstimulatedmom #emotionalregulationforkids
#emotionalregulationstrategies #kidsmentalhealthawareness
All happening without us knowing or needing to be conscious of it.
It’s really why you have to be aware and connected to your body. Because it’s something you kind of always have to be on top of. It’s like dysregulation is contagious. And the way you keep from catching it, is how you take care of your energy.
A lot of times the main source of stress is actually having to adjust your energy to another’s dysregulation. Our bodies genuinely have this power over another’s body. So it’s very tricky and why baseline is really the most important part to staying regulated.
Their behavior can be your dysregulation.
#raisinglittles #emotionalregulation #nervoussystemregulation #kidsmentalhealth #stressedmom
#coregulation #nervoussystemhealth #parentingpodcast #parentingtoddlers #childhooddevelopment #tiredmoms #anxiousmom #momstress #emotionalintelligenceforkids #mommentalhealth #kidsbehavior #stressedmommy
#coregulationparenting #overstimulatedmom #emotionalregulationforkids
#emotionalregulationstrategies #kidsmentalhealthawareness
When you’re not regulated and connected to yourself, then you aren’t present in your body, you’re not grounded to even what’s actually happening in front of you, so you’re not able to be present to them and their needs.
The only way you can give co-regulation is if you’re regulated. If you’re not regulated, you can’t be responsive to them. You’re reacting out of fear. And then you continue to make decisions that may not be the best for the actual situation. You can’t process what is around you. You can’t show up the way your kids need you to.
I’m going to give an example here and I want to refer back to how thoughts come from the state you’re in. Say your kid is sick or gets hurt. You want to be your best to be there for them. But you are dysregulated when something suddenly happens or maybe you’re like me and even the sound of a sneeze is a trigger.
So you’re not connected. You’re not in a clear head space to make the best decisions. If you go into fight. Your thoughts are all over the place. Your energy is in your body and not your head. You can actually feel like you want to get away from the situation. Or you shutdown and feel like you can’t move or think. These are not places we want to be in, in a really crucial time that our kids need us.
And just to validate here…if we live in a chronic stress state in normal times and we already don’t have the capacity. Just to soothe them or give them the care and concern and attention they want when they don’t feel good. It’s hard. And that just feels horrible because again this isn’t a lack of love on your part, it’s just your body’s state and how you feel because of it.
#empoweredparenting #childhooddevelopment #parentingpodcast #kidsmentalhealth #coregulationparenting #mentalhealthforkids #calmkids #toolsforkidswellbeing
The only way you can give co-regulation is if you’re regulated. If you’re not regulated, you can’t be responsive to them. You’re reacting out of fear. And then you continue to make decisions that may not be the best for the actual situation. You can’t process what is around you. You can’t show up the way your kids need you to.
I’m going to give an example here and I want to refer back to how thoughts come from the state you’re in. Say your kid is sick or gets hurt. You want to be your best to be there for them. But you are dysregulated when something suddenly happens or maybe you’re like me and even the sound of a sneeze is a trigger.
So you’re not connected. You’re not in a clear head space to make the best decisions. If you go into fight. Your thoughts are all over the place. Your energy is in your body and not your head. You can actually feel like you want to get away from the situation. Or you shutdown and feel like you can’t move or think. These are not places we want to be in, in a really crucial time that our kids need us.
And just to validate here…if we live in a chronic stress state in normal times and we already don’t have the capacity. Just to soothe them or give them the care and concern and attention they want when they don’t feel good. It’s hard. And that just feels horrible because again this isn’t a lack of love on your part, it’s just your body’s state and how you feel because of it.
#empoweredparenting #childhooddevelopment #parentingpodcast #kidsmentalhealth #coregulationparenting #mentalhealthforkids #calmkids #toolsforkidswellbeing
It’s such a critical piece because it’s the one and only way they will ever learn self regulation. The only way you teach them is from your body.
You can’t just tell them or give them activities or have them read about it in a book.
It literally takes YOU. Your presence. Your body. And your regulation.
Their nervous system is attuned by your energy and presence.
Co-regulation is when your body helps them move their system back to safety through your connection. If they don’t get this their body has to adapt and find another way to find safety and they develop coping mechanisms.
#childhooddevelopment #intentionalparenting #parentingpodcast #kidsmentalhealth #coregulationparenting #mentalhealthforkids #empoweredparenting #nervoussystemregulation #calmkids #toolsforkidswellbeing
You can’t just tell them or give them activities or have them read about it in a book.
It literally takes YOU. Your presence. Your body. And your regulation.
Their nervous system is attuned by your energy and presence.
Co-regulation is when your body helps them move their system back to safety through your connection. If they don’t get this their body has to adapt and find another way to find safety and they develop coping mechanisms.
#childhooddevelopment #intentionalparenting #parentingpodcast #kidsmentalhealth #coregulationparenting #mentalhealthforkids #empoweredparenting #nervoussystemregulation #calmkids #toolsforkidswellbeing
Because of my own healing and how I like to default blame my parents for my stuff…
I know I'll be accountable to my girls one day. I don’t want to have any part in feeling guilt or regret for being the cause of their pain or blocks or time spent healing instead of living their beautiful life, because of my parenting. I'd just rather not!
And it’s really not this huge undertaking. Again it’s simple. You just have to get back to the place where your body can do what it’s supposed to do without you getting in the way. It’s the one answer to all the issues and to all the future problems you would have if you just got to the nervous system first. As soon as you embody this, it becomes innate again. You will have access to your intuition and it will all flow naturally.
#parentingpodcast #kidsmentalhealth #intentionalparenting #coregulationparenting #childhooddevelopment
I know I'll be accountable to my girls one day. I don’t want to have any part in feeling guilt or regret for being the cause of their pain or blocks or time spent healing instead of living their beautiful life, because of my parenting. I'd just rather not!
And it’s really not this huge undertaking. Again it’s simple. You just have to get back to the place where your body can do what it’s supposed to do without you getting in the way. It’s the one answer to all the issues and to all the future problems you would have if you just got to the nervous system first. As soon as you embody this, it becomes innate again. You will have access to your intuition and it will all flow naturally.
#parentingpodcast #kidsmentalhealth #intentionalparenting #coregulationparenting #childhooddevelopment
It is our responsibility. And I get it, it’s another one to add to the list.
It’s even scarier because we don’t feel equipped. We probably didn’t receive it, all for ourselves. We feel inadequate, like even from our body level. We’re not sure or confident in ourselves.
You can accept it and do it now and actually wire your kids for a healthy life and future. Or you don’t. It’s like when you can’t go back after you know something.
Or my favorite quote is, when you know better, you do better. Now you know…
#intentionalparenting #coregulationparenting #nervoussystemregulation #coregulation #traumainformedparentcoach #childhooddevelopment #kidsmentalhealth #parentingpodcast
It’s even scarier because we don’t feel equipped. We probably didn’t receive it, all for ourselves. We feel inadequate, like even from our body level. We’re not sure or confident in ourselves.
You can accept it and do it now and actually wire your kids for a healthy life and future. Or you don’t. It’s like when you can’t go back after you know something.
Or my favorite quote is, when you know better, you do better. Now you know…
#intentionalparenting #coregulationparenting #nervoussystemregulation #coregulation #traumainformedparentcoach #childhooddevelopment #kidsmentalhealth #parentingpodcast
I want to go over why the nervous system as your foundation is so critical for our children and the importance and impact of what happens if we don’t take this part seriously or implement it into their development.
I don’t want to add blame or shame to what I’m going to tell you truly is our responsibility as parents. There is no way around it.
You can try. And you can think you’re doing something, right now, because you’re using a band-aid. But if you’re not focused on the nervous system as the root cause to anything you want to label an issue. You are wiring your child’s system wrong.
It’s biology and it’s how our bodies were designed. Every child is wired to need us for co-regulation until they can get to self-regulation on their own.
Depending on how aware and attentive you are to that, will set up your timeline. It can’t be forced or controlled. It’s dependent on everyone’s system involved. But when you have the foundational pieces, the rest will work as it naturally should.
#raisingtinyhumans #intentionalparenting #kidsmentalhealth #coregulation #parentingpodcast #childhooddevelopment #mentalhealthforkids #empoweredparenting #coregulationparenting #toolsforkidswellbeing #traumainformedparentcoach #nervoussystemregulation #calmkids
I don’t want to add blame or shame to what I’m going to tell you truly is our responsibility as parents. There is no way around it.
You can try. And you can think you’re doing something, right now, because you’re using a band-aid. But if you’re not focused on the nervous system as the root cause to anything you want to label an issue. You are wiring your child’s system wrong.
It’s biology and it’s how our bodies were designed. Every child is wired to need us for co-regulation until they can get to self-regulation on their own.
Depending on how aware and attentive you are to that, will set up your timeline. It can’t be forced or controlled. It’s dependent on everyone’s system involved. But when you have the foundational pieces, the rest will work as it naturally should.
#raisingtinyhumans #intentionalparenting #kidsmentalhealth #coregulation #parentingpodcast #childhooddevelopment #mentalhealthforkids #empoweredparenting #coregulationparenting #toolsforkidswellbeing #traumainformedparentcoach #nervoussystemregulation #calmkids
One more thing we’re not really taught. At least I remember only learning about 5 senses in school. And not even to the depth that you need to get them to understand your body. We have 8 senses and those other 3 are so important in knowing what your triggers are.
You most likely have so many triggers that you have no idea about. It could be lighting, it could be a smell, it could be a similarity to a past memory, it could be a tone of voice or a look, it could be internal or external or unconscious. A lot of it is hidden. So it helps to find these for yourself and your kids. That way you can really prepare and understand what’s truly happening for everyone.
Ok so now you can look at your life and see all the band-aids. But you can also stop feeling guilty and confused and hopeless that they’re not working because you understand why! You can get rid of words like handle, or deal or get through, because there is one answer that solves all of these symptoms. You just have to foundationally understand your nervous system.
#intentionalparenting #kidsmentalhealth #nervoussystemhealth #raisingkidsright #betterparent
You most likely have so many triggers that you have no idea about. It could be lighting, it could be a smell, it could be a similarity to a past memory, it could be a tone of voice or a look, it could be internal or external or unconscious. A lot of it is hidden. So it helps to find these for yourself and your kids. That way you can really prepare and understand what’s truly happening for everyone.
Ok so now you can look at your life and see all the band-aids. But you can also stop feeling guilty and confused and hopeless that they’re not working because you understand why! You can get rid of words like handle, or deal or get through, because there is one answer that solves all of these symptoms. You just have to foundationally understand your nervous system.
#intentionalparenting #kidsmentalhealth #nervoussystemhealth #raisingkidsright #betterparent
My take on self care is 10/10.
10 minutes a day with yourself in stillness and silence.
This is about connection. Creating a relationship with your body. So that you can be IN your body again and find safety there. That’s what needs to happen first. And then you can have the capacity to feel and hold more emotions and stress.
This isn’t about meditation. It’s not about trying to shut off your thoughts or feelings. It’s simply about sitting with yourself.
You have to build this trust, that you’re going to show up and listen and be with what your body needs, consistently, every day!
And the other 10 minutes is for movement. This is however your body wants to move. Again not overthinking any of this, just letting your body show you what it wants. You listen. You follow your intuition. You let your body move.
We have stress every day. And we are not completing these stress cycles and that energy is getting stuck in our bodies. And then you’re stuck in these states.
So it’s not an option. You have to move the energy every day!
I break both of these down in detail in the Simple Spiral Steps, which is free on my website at themomspiral.com.
#momstress #parenthacks #selfcareformoms #stressedmom #tiredmoms #mommentalhealth #empoweredparenting #betterparent #stressedmommy #selfcareformom
10 minutes a day with yourself in stillness and silence.
This is about connection. Creating a relationship with your body. So that you can be IN your body again and find safety there. That’s what needs to happen first. And then you can have the capacity to feel and hold more emotions and stress.
This isn’t about meditation. It’s not about trying to shut off your thoughts or feelings. It’s simply about sitting with yourself.
You have to build this trust, that you’re going to show up and listen and be with what your body needs, consistently, every day!
And the other 10 minutes is for movement. This is however your body wants to move. Again not overthinking any of this, just letting your body show you what it wants. You listen. You follow your intuition. You let your body move.
We have stress every day. And we are not completing these stress cycles and that energy is getting stuck in our bodies. And then you’re stuck in these states.
So it’s not an option. You have to move the energy every day!
I break both of these down in detail in the Simple Spiral Steps, which is free on my website at themomspiral.com.
#momstress #parenthacks #selfcareformoms #stressedmom #tiredmoms #mommentalhealth #empoweredparenting #betterparent #stressedmommy #selfcareformom
I’m going to talk about how we’re told we have to make time for self care.
This one is funny to me because it seems great and it makes sense, but what they’re telling us, which again is to find something outside of ourselves to really just take a break or escape.
But going to get a pedicure doesn’t do anything for a long term effect and it’s over when it’s over. And you may not even be able to enjoy it because you go when you’re already dysregulated.
When we approach self care…we’re really doing it more because we want to feel good.
To put it simply, when you feel good you are regulated. When you don’t, you’re dysregulated.
Here’s the new concept! It’s not about feeling good. It’s about safety. And this is where we’re approaching it wrong.
The nervous system’s job is to keep you safe, not to make you feel good. Your job is to show it, it’s safe. So when you can do this, you can access feeling good any time.
#mentalhealthformoms #selfcareformom #selfcareformoms #stressedmom #momstress
This one is funny to me because it seems great and it makes sense, but what they’re telling us, which again is to find something outside of ourselves to really just take a break or escape.
But going to get a pedicure doesn’t do anything for a long term effect and it’s over when it’s over. And you may not even be able to enjoy it because you go when you’re already dysregulated.
When we approach self care…we’re really doing it more because we want to feel good.
To put it simply, when you feel good you are regulated. When you don’t, you’re dysregulated.
Here’s the new concept! It’s not about feeling good. It’s about safety. And this is where we’re approaching it wrong.
The nervous system’s job is to keep you safe, not to make you feel good. Your job is to show it, it’s safe. So when you can do this, you can access feeling good any time.
#mentalhealthformoms #selfcareformom #selfcareformoms #stressedmom #momstress
Those were the band-aids. Now I’m just going to touch on some things you also might be doing…because I did them and I want you to see all these places it could be hiding in your life.
So at one point…I got really structured…like around a schedule and timing. If they did this for 5 minutes and this for 10 minutes and I set timers and everything was out and in its place for them to do. Then nothing could go wrong, no one would ever have an emotion or an opinion or need to say anything because they just had to do what they had to be doing in those time frames.
It was like my body felt like it was walking on eggshells and I just didn’t want that one little thing to happen to throw me into a bad mood for the rest of the day. So if I could at least control the hour before school, I could possibly feel good.
Like that’s how I thought I was going to have to live. Not knowing I just needed to work on my nervous system.
This is an example of how we live in these stress states and our thoughts perpetuate from it. Even saying that made me start to feel anxious again.
A huge piece I want you to understand is that YOUR THOUGHTS COME FROM YOUR STATE.
It’s not the other way around…it’s not what you’re thinking puts you in a bad mood.
#nervoussystemregulation #stressedmom #anxiousmom #mommentalhealth #momstress
So at one point…I got really structured…like around a schedule and timing. If they did this for 5 minutes and this for 10 minutes and I set timers and everything was out and in its place for them to do. Then nothing could go wrong, no one would ever have an emotion or an opinion or need to say anything because they just had to do what they had to be doing in those time frames.
It was like my body felt like it was walking on eggshells and I just didn’t want that one little thing to happen to throw me into a bad mood for the rest of the day. So if I could at least control the hour before school, I could possibly feel good.
Like that’s how I thought I was going to have to live. Not knowing I just needed to work on my nervous system.
This is an example of how we live in these stress states and our thoughts perpetuate from it. Even saying that made me start to feel anxious again.
A huge piece I want you to understand is that YOUR THOUGHTS COME FROM YOUR STATE.
It’s not the other way around…it’s not what you’re thinking puts you in a bad mood.
#nervoussystemregulation #stressedmom #anxiousmom #mommentalhealth #momstress
This is the only way they learn it. Through their body. From us.
The whole idea of punishment I feel is because we can’t deal with it and we don’t know what else to do. When our kids are freaking out and their yelling is freaking out our system, we react in the same childlike way…we just feel like yelling back or running away. We don’t want to deal with it. How do we control how they’re feeling?
We want it to stop because it’s now dysregulating our system. So we want them to go away. We want to just put them in their room. And not even out of punishing them, but that we just need space from their energy. We need to be away from them so we can get our regulation back.
For our body it doesn’t feel safe to be around them and that is THE HARDEST part of being a parent!!
We have to know our nervous systems. We have to be able to regulate our bodies because it is our responsibility to be the pillar for our kids. They are learning from our bodies. All of this is happening between our bodies and we don’t know it.
Also this idea of a script or a skill or whatever they want to call what is going to fix that certain behavior for you. It’s always about safety. Nothing you learn, no skill that you store in your brain, is going to work when your brain is offline. When all of your energy is being used to move your body and not to fuel your brain. None of this works unless you’re regulated and that’s not when you need to use them.
The nervous system undermines our parenting. All the advice goes out the window when your stress response kicks in.
#kidsmentalhealth #parenthacks #stressedmom #coregulation #nervoussystemhealth
The whole idea of punishment I feel is because we can’t deal with it and we don’t know what else to do. When our kids are freaking out and their yelling is freaking out our system, we react in the same childlike way…we just feel like yelling back or running away. We don’t want to deal with it. How do we control how they’re feeling?
We want it to stop because it’s now dysregulating our system. So we want them to go away. We want to just put them in their room. And not even out of punishing them, but that we just need space from their energy. We need to be away from them so we can get our regulation back.
For our body it doesn’t feel safe to be around them and that is THE HARDEST part of being a parent!!
We have to know our nervous systems. We have to be able to regulate our bodies because it is our responsibility to be the pillar for our kids. They are learning from our bodies. All of this is happening between our bodies and we don’t know it.
Also this idea of a script or a skill or whatever they want to call what is going to fix that certain behavior for you. It’s always about safety. Nothing you learn, no skill that you store in your brain, is going to work when your brain is offline. When all of your energy is being used to move your body and not to fuel your brain. None of this works unless you’re regulated and that’s not when you need to use them.
The nervous system undermines our parenting. All the advice goes out the window when your stress response kicks in.
#kidsmentalhealth #parenthacks #stressedmom #coregulation #nervoussystemhealth
Another band-aid is trying to find ways to control our child’s behavior.
First you have to reframe behavior. It’s not intentional or a poor choice or a character flaw.
It is a stress response. It is an impulse. It’s literally the energy in their body that is moving them from threat.
It makes it that much easier to understand biting or hitting. Their body defaults to the fight state. They don’t want to hurt someone, they are protecting their life! That’s all this is.
When you parent from a nervous system perspective you don’t have to follow a style or a strategy. You don’t have to yell or manipulate or bribe or reward. You don’t use these in the moment, tips or tricks or tactics to stop what actually needs to happen.
It has to happen so that their system learns in that moment and rewires so they CAN do better next time. So they receive co-regulation and move closer towards their own self-regulation each time.
If you’re always stopping this process. It’s never going to happen. You’re never going to get rid of the behavior from happening, over and over. You’ll just keep living in the cycle of using those methods to stop them in the moment.
And your child is never going to receive what they need to ever learn self-regulation. Ever!
#nervoussystemregulation #coregulation #childhooddevelopment #raisingkidsright #kidsbehavior
First you have to reframe behavior. It’s not intentional or a poor choice or a character flaw.
It is a stress response. It is an impulse. It’s literally the energy in their body that is moving them from threat.
It makes it that much easier to understand biting or hitting. Their body defaults to the fight state. They don’t want to hurt someone, they are protecting their life! That’s all this is.
When you parent from a nervous system perspective you don’t have to follow a style or a strategy. You don’t have to yell or manipulate or bribe or reward. You don’t use these in the moment, tips or tricks or tactics to stop what actually needs to happen.
It has to happen so that their system learns in that moment and rewires so they CAN do better next time. So they receive co-regulation and move closer towards their own self-regulation each time.
If you’re always stopping this process. It’s never going to happen. You’re never going to get rid of the behavior from happening, over and over. You’ll just keep living in the cycle of using those methods to stop them in the moment.
And your child is never going to receive what they need to ever learn self-regulation. Ever!
#nervoussystemregulation #coregulation #childhooddevelopment #raisingkidsright #kidsbehavior