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Attachment + Nervous System


TRUTH about PARENTING! YOU have the POWER! themomspiral.com

When you’re not regulated and connected to yourself, then you aren’t present in your body, you’re not grounded to even what’s actually happening in front of you, so you’re not able to be present to them and their needs.

The only way you can give co-regulation is if you’re regulated. If you’re not regulated, you can’t be responsive to them. You’re reacting out of fear. And then you continue to make decisions that may not be the best for the actual situation. You can’t process what is around you. You can’t show up the way your kids need you to.

I’m going to give an example here and I want to refer back to how thoughts come from the state you’re in. Say your kid is sick or gets hurt. You want to be your best to be there for them. But you are dysregulated when something suddenly happens or maybe you’re like me and even the sound of a sneeze is a trigger.

So you’re not connected. You’re not in a clear head space to make the best decisions. If you go into fight. Your thoughts are all over the place. Your energy is in your body and not your head. You can actually feel like you want to get away from the situation. Or you shutdown and feel like you can’t move or think. These are not places we want to be in, in a really crucial time that our kids need us.

And just to validate here…if we live in a chronic stress state in normal times and we already don’t have the capacity. Just to soothe them or give them the care and concern and attention they want when they don’t feel good. It’s hard. And that just feels horrible because again this isn’t a lack of love on your part, it’s just your body’s state and how you feel because of it.

#empoweredparenting #childhooddevelopment #parentingpodcast #kidsmentalhealth #coregulationparenting #mentalhealthforkids #calmkids #toolsforkidswellbeing
This is the only way they learn it. Through their body. From us.

The whole idea of punishment I feel is because we can’t deal with it and we don’t know what else to do. When our kids are freaking out and their yelling is freaking out our system, we react in the same childlike way…we just feel like yelling back or running away. We don’t want to deal with it. How do we control how they’re feeling?

We want it to stop because it’s now dysregulating our system. So we want them to go away. We want to just put them in their room. And not even out of punishing them, but that we just need space from their energy. We need to be away from them so we can get our regulation back.

For our body it doesn’t feel safe to be around them and that is THE HARDEST part of being a parent!!

We have to know our nervous systems. We have to be able to regulate our bodies because it is our responsibility to be the pillar for our kids. They are learning from our bodies. All of this is happening between our bodies and we don’t know it.

Also this idea of a script or a skill or whatever they want to call what is going to fix that certain behavior for you. It’s always about safety. Nothing you learn, no skill that you store in your brain, is going to work when your brain is offline. When all of your energy is being used to move your body and not to fuel your brain. None of this works unless you’re regulated and that’s not when you need to use them.

The nervous system undermines our parenting. All the advice goes out the window when your stress response kicks in.

#kidsmentalhealth #parenthacks #stressedmom #coregulation #nervoussystemhealth
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