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drjuliesmith

Dr Julie | Psychologist

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Psychologist & Author Life changing insights from therapy New book 📖 Links👇

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👉 I see the last one all too often. Can you relate? Changing the way we deal with boundaries in our relationships is not quick or easy. It takes work and a commitment to do the best by yourself. It’s definitely made easier when you have someone to learn new skills from, not only to communicate but also to deal with the emotional fallout of setting healthy boundaries for the first time. Given that, would you like me to bring some more in depth content on boundaries for you? Let me know in the comments what you struggle with and I will get to work. P.s For everyone who has been asking me, the jumpsuit is from @donnaida Thanks for watching ❀ Feel free to share @drjulie 👉More on this in my international bestselling book - Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? (Currently -50% see link in bio). Filled with insights from therapy about how to deal with real life problems. Available in over 40 languages 🇬🇧 đŸ‡ș🇾 🇼🇳 🇹🇳 🇹🇩 🇩đŸ‡ș đŸ‡ŠđŸ‡± đŸ‡§đŸ‡· 🇧🇬 đŸ‡­đŸ‡· 🇹🇿 đŸ‡©đŸ‡° đŸ‡ȘđŸ‡Ș đŸ‡«đŸ‡ź đŸ‡«đŸ‡· đŸ‡©đŸ‡Ș đŸ‡ŹđŸ‡· 🇭đŸ‡ș 🇼🇾 đŸ‡źđŸ‡© đŸ‡źđŸ‡± 🇼đŸ‡č đŸ‡ŻđŸ‡” đŸ‡±đŸ‡» đŸ‡±đŸ‡č đŸ‡Č🇰 đŸ‡łđŸ‡± 🇳🇮 đŸ‡”đŸ‡± đŸ‡”đŸ‡č đŸ‡·đŸ‡Ž đŸ‡·đŸ‡ș đŸ‡·đŸ‡ž 🇾🇰 🇾🇼 đŸ‡°đŸ‡· đŸ‡Ș🇾 🇾đŸ‡Ș đŸ‡čđŸ‡Œ đŸ‡č🇭 đŸ‡čđŸ‡· đŸ‡ș🇩 đŸ‡»đŸ‡ł created by Dr Julie | Psychologist with Dr Julie | Psychologist's original sound
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👉 I see the last one all too often. Can you relate? Changing the way we deal with boundaries in our relationships is not quick or easy. It takes work and a commitment to do the best by yourself. It’s definitely made easier when you have someone to learn new skills from, not only to communicate but also to deal with the emotional fallout of setting healthy boundaries for the first time. Given that, would you like me to bring some more in depth content on boundaries for you? Let me know in the comments what you struggle with and I will get to work.

P.s For everyone who has been asking me, the jumpsuit is from @donnaida

Thanks for watching ❀ Feel free to share @drjulie

👉More on this in my international bestselling book - Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? (Currently -50% see link in bio). Filled with insights from therapy about how to deal with real life problems. Available in over 40 languages 🇬🇧 đŸ‡ș🇾 🇼🇳 🇹🇳 🇹🇩 🇩đŸ‡ș đŸ‡ŠđŸ‡± đŸ‡§đŸ‡· 🇧🇬 đŸ‡­đŸ‡· 🇹🇿 đŸ‡©đŸ‡° đŸ‡ȘđŸ‡Ș đŸ‡«đŸ‡ź đŸ‡«đŸ‡· đŸ‡©đŸ‡Ș đŸ‡ŹđŸ‡· 🇭đŸ‡ș 🇼🇾 đŸ‡źđŸ‡© đŸ‡źđŸ‡± 🇼đŸ‡č đŸ‡ŻđŸ‡” đŸ‡±đŸ‡» đŸ‡±đŸ‡č đŸ‡Č🇰 đŸ‡łđŸ‡± 🇳🇮 đŸ‡”đŸ‡± đŸ‡”đŸ‡č đŸ‡·đŸ‡Ž đŸ‡·đŸ‡ș đŸ‡·đŸ‡ž 🇾🇰 🇾🇼 đŸ‡°đŸ‡· đŸ‡Ș🇾 🇾đŸ‡Ș đŸ‡čđŸ‡Œ đŸ‡č🇭 đŸ‡čđŸ‡· đŸ‡ș🇩 đŸ‡»đŸ‡ł
👉 No.3 is very common. Which one of these do you resonate with the most? Past trauma doesn’t always show up as flashbacks and nightmares. It can also affect you in less obvious ways. For example, anyone can experience the odd outburst of anger, which may be caused by an infinite number of things. But if you notice a pattern that keeps repeating itself, or an intensity of emotion that seems out of proportion to the situation you are facing, these can be a sign that the emotion is not just a reaction to now, but also to the past.

👉 More on this in the UK’s best selling non fiction book in 2022 - Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? (Currently -50% see link in bio). Filled with insights from therapy about how to deal with real life problems. Available in over 40 languages 🇬🇧 đŸ‡ș🇾 🇼🇳 🇹🇳 🇹🇩 🇩đŸ‡ș đŸ‡ŠđŸ‡± đŸ‡§đŸ‡· 🇧🇬 đŸ‡­đŸ‡· 🇹🇿 đŸ‡©đŸ‡° đŸ‡ȘđŸ‡Ș đŸ‡«đŸ‡ź đŸ‡«đŸ‡· đŸ‡©đŸ‡Ș đŸ‡ŹđŸ‡· 🇭đŸ‡ș 🇼🇾 đŸ‡źđŸ‡© đŸ‡źđŸ‡± 🇼đŸ‡č đŸ‡ŻđŸ‡” đŸ‡±đŸ‡» đŸ‡±đŸ‡č đŸ‡Č🇰 đŸ‡łđŸ‡± 🇳🇮 đŸ‡”đŸ‡± đŸ‡”đŸ‡č đŸ‡·đŸ‡Ž đŸ‡·đŸ‡ș đŸ‡·đŸ‡ž 🇾🇰 🇾🇼 đŸ‡°đŸ‡· đŸ‡Ș🇾 🇾đŸ‡Ș đŸ‡čđŸ‡Œ đŸ‡č🇭 đŸ‡čđŸ‡· đŸ‡ș🇩 đŸ‡»đŸ‡ł
👉 Last one comes up in therapy all the time. Has this one affected you? What has held you back from confiding in others? What would you add to the list? I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences on this one. All over the internet people are encouraged to talk about their mental health, but it’s not always that simple and it’s definitely not easy. So let’s try and understand the barriers to talking. Share your thoughts with me in the comments. 😊

👉 More on this in the UK’s best selling non fiction book in 2022 - Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? (Currently -50% see link in bio). Filled with insights from therapy about how to deal with real life problems. Available in over 40 languages See linknin bio.
👀 Keep an eye on the inkđŸ·
👉 Last one is the most important ❀
🟱 Tag your green balls! 😝 Those people who get to be part of your inner circle. The ones you feel safe to be yourself with. The ones you can share your best and most vulnerable moments with. These people that we connect with deeply are essential to our health and longevity. Good quality relationships show up in the research as the most powerful predictor of a long, healthy and happy life. But they are not the only people we need in our lives. There are many people that play a meaningful role in our lives (as we do in theirs) without ever developing a deep and personal connection. I think recognising the value in the diverse relationships that we encounter is one way to appreciate that each offers us something to learn from and feel grateful for. The aim is not to be left with just the people in that inner circle, but to use boundaries effectively so that we can safely experience a variety of relationships. What are your thoughts on this?

❀ Feel free to share. More videos @drjulie

👉 More on this in the UK’s best selling book published in 2022 - Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? (Currently -50% see link in bio). Filled with insights from therapy about how to deal with real life problems. Available in over 40 languages 🇬🇧 đŸ‡ș🇾 🇼🇳 🇹🇳 🇹🇩 🇩đŸ‡ș đŸ‡ŠđŸ‡± đŸ‡§đŸ‡· 🇧🇬 đŸ‡­đŸ‡· 🇹🇿 đŸ‡©đŸ‡° đŸ‡ȘđŸ‡Ș đŸ‡«đŸ‡ź đŸ‡«đŸ‡· đŸ‡©đŸ‡Ș đŸ‡ŹđŸ‡· 🇭đŸ‡ș 🇼🇾 đŸ‡źđŸ‡© đŸ‡źđŸ‡± 🇼đŸ‡č đŸ‡ŻđŸ‡” đŸ‡±đŸ‡» đŸ‡±đŸ‡č đŸ‡Č🇰 đŸ‡łđŸ‡± 🇳🇮 đŸ‡”đŸ‡± đŸ‡”đŸ‡č đŸ‡·đŸ‡Ž đŸ‡·đŸ‡ș đŸ‡·đŸ‡ž 🇾🇰 🇾🇼 đŸ‡°đŸ‡· đŸ‡Ș🇾 🇾đŸ‡Ș đŸ‡čđŸ‡Œ đŸ‡č🇭 đŸ‡čđŸ‡· đŸ‡ș🇩 đŸ‡»đŸ‡ł
Wait for the end! It could only go one wayđŸ«Ł ad
All tower blocks aside, if high stress levels are making life at work harder than it needs to be, then the algorithm just worked in your favour. Over the next several months I am bringing you the latest from the scientific literature on how we can all use stress to our advantage while safeguarding ourselves from the negative effects. I will also be talking to people at @bupa and gaining insights into how they are working to improve workplace wellbeing around the world.

There is much talk across the internet about burnout. But looking out for signs and working on recovery is the last resort. We need to be focusing on wellbeing at work long before it gets that far. We all want to perform at our best without sacrificing health and wellbeing. In fact, it’s one of the most common subjects I get asked about in this community. Another common question I get asked by leaders in the workplace is how can they support their teams and help people at work who may be struggling. So if you are leading a team and want to support them in the best way possible, then watch this space. There is more to come.

If you don’t check in here often, you can hit the notifications button to get notified when the posts go up. See you soon!
đŸ”„Important to remember this.
👉Who else gets that rush of guilt when you have to say no or hold a boundary? Join the club! But that guilt might be more to do with learning earlier in life that the needs and feelings of others always trump your own. That is was your job to keep others happy. Sometimes guilt can tell us that we are not doing the right thing. But guilt is not a fact. Listen to it. Then make your decision taking into account your needs too.

❀Feel free to share.

👉 More on this in the best selling non fiction book of 2022 - Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? (Currently -50% see link in bio). Available in 40 languages. Filled with insights from therapy about how to deal with real life problems. If don’t want to read it and would like me to read it to you, it’s free when you sign up to Audible link in my bio 😉
đŸ”„Important to remember this.
👉Who else gets that rush of guilt when you have to say no or hold a boundary? Join the club! But that guilt might be more to do with learning earlier in life that the needs and feelings of others always trump your own. That is was your job to keep others happy. Sometimes guilt can tell us that we are not doing the right thing. But guilt is not a fact. Listen to it. Then make your decision taking into account your needs too.

❀Feel free to share. More videos @drjulie

👉 More on this in the UK’s best selling book published in 2022 - Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? (Currently -50% see link in bio). Filled with insights from therapy about how to deal with real life problems. Available in over 40 languages 🇬🇧 đŸ‡ș🇾 🇼🇳 🇹🇳 🇹🇩 🇩đŸ‡ș đŸ‡ŠđŸ‡± đŸ‡§đŸ‡· 🇧🇬 đŸ‡­đŸ‡· 🇹🇿 đŸ‡©đŸ‡° đŸ‡ȘđŸ‡Ș đŸ‡«đŸ‡ź đŸ‡«đŸ‡· đŸ‡©đŸ‡Ș đŸ‡ŹđŸ‡· 🇭đŸ‡ș 🇼🇾 đŸ‡źđŸ‡© đŸ‡źđŸ‡± 🇼đŸ‡č đŸ‡ŻđŸ‡” đŸ‡±đŸ‡» đŸ‡±đŸ‡č đŸ‡Č🇰 đŸ‡łđŸ‡± 🇳🇮 đŸ‡”đŸ‡± đŸ‡”đŸ‡č đŸ‡·đŸ‡Ž đŸ‡·đŸ‡ș đŸ‡·đŸ‡ž 🇾🇰 🇾🇼 đŸ‡°đŸ‡· đŸ‡Ș🇾 🇾đŸ‡Ș đŸ‡čđŸ‡Œ đŸ‡č🇭 đŸ‡čđŸ‡· đŸ‡ș🇩 đŸ‡»đŸ‡ł
👉Don’t wait to feel confident before starting. It won’t arrive spontaneously.👇TIPS FOR BUILDING CONFIDENCE BELOW:
‱ Action builds confidence over time.
‱ Rather than big, one-off actions, go for consistency over intensity. Repetition that you can sustain is crucial for building confidence.
‱ You don’t have to overwhelm yourself. Start small and manageable in the stretch zone where you make most progress with performance.

The model in this video is adapted from Karl Rohnke’s Comfort, Stretch and Panic model, which was developed based on the Yerkes-Dodson law. This law posits that peak performance happens when people experience a moderate amount of pressure.

👉 More on this in the best selling non fiction book of 2022 - Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? (Currently -50% see link in bio). Available in 40 languages. Filled with insights from therapy about how to deal with real life problems. If don’t want to read it and would like me to read it to you, it’s free when you sign up to Audible link in my bio 😉
Wait for it! 😬 So many of us numb our emotion because the natural instinct is to push away anything painful or uncomfortable. You imagine that if you allow any of your emotions to surface, that they’ll all rise up and you’ll lose control of them, maybe even struggle to calm them again. This is a common fear that prevents many people from talking about how they feel or accessing therapy. But there is a misconception about how you work through trauma in therapy. A therapist will never ask you to bring up old wounds until they trust that you can manage those painful emotions safely. And one of the reasons that therapy takes time is that it’s not done all at once. Things are done at your own pace in a safe space and only when you both decide that you are ready.

👉 More on this in the best selling non fiction book of 2022 - Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? (Currently -50% see link in bio). Available in 40 languages. Filled with insights from therapy about how to deal with real life problems. If don’t want to read it and would like me to read it to you, it’s free when you sign up to Audible link in my bio 😉
You might need to hear this today!
👉 Hands up on the comments who else tends to set a massive goal and then go all for a a week or two before fizzling out? If you do you’re not alone. I think we do this when we favour intensity over consistency. But if we can commit to a change that is small enough to persist at over time then the gains far exceed that short but intense burst.

So when you want to make a change, focus less on what the results might be and when they will arrive. Instead focus on creating a process that feels easy enough to do consistently. Once it becomes a part of your everyday routine your brain is great at starting to automate some of that for you so that you don’t have to rely on motivation as much as when you started.

👉 The example of the plane in this video was inspired by James Clear who is another great translator of the research on habit change. Others include Charles Duhigg and BJ Fogg.

👉 More on this in the best selling non fiction book of 2022 - Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? (Currently -50% see link in bio). Available in 40 languages. Filled with insights from therapy about how to deal with real life problems. If don’t want to read it and would like me to read it to you, it’s free when you sign up to Audible link in my bio 😉
Relatable?

👇Tips for people pleasers below👇

‱ Balancing your own needs with those of others is not a sign of selfishness. It is a sign of emotional maturity. When we start to set boundaries, how we frame it in our minds is crucial to help us with the guilt feelings that often come up when we start making changes.
‱ If you notice that your identity is wrapped up in your care taking roles, this can make it even more difficult to make changes. It’s ok to still have that but there may be room to expand your sense of who you are to include other areas of your life and other skills that you have.
‱ If you are no longer sure what your own preferences are because you have always deferred to what others want, then it’s time to start experimenting with small decisions and reflecting on your own experiences.
‱ Keep reminding yourself that it is possible to say no and still be a good person.

👉 More on this in the UK’s best selling non fiction book of 2022 - Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? (Currently -50% see link in bio). Available in 40 languages. Filled with insights from therapy about how to deal with real life problems. If don’t want to read it and would like me to read it to you, it’s free when you sign up to Audible link in my bio 😉
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