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drjuliesmith

Dr Julie | Psychologist

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Psychologist & Author Life changing insights from therapy New book 📖 Links👇

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👀 Keep an eye on the inkđŸ· created by Dr Julie | Psychologist with Dr Julie | Psychologist's original sound
499.3K
👀 Keep an eye on the inkđŸ·
👉 Last one is the most important ❀
🟱 Tag your green balls! 😝 Those people who get to be part of your inner circle. The ones you feel safe to be yourself with. The ones you can share your best and most vulnerable moments with. These people that we connect with deeply are essential to our health and longevity. Good quality relationships show up in the research as the most powerful predictor of a long, healthy and happy life. But they are not the only people we need in our lives. There are many people that play a meaningful role in our lives (as we do in theirs) without ever developing a deep and personal connection. I think recognising the value in the diverse relationships that we encounter is one way to appreciate that each offers us something to learn from and feel grateful for. The aim is not to be left with just the people in that inner circle, but to use boundaries effectively so that we can safely experience a variety of relationships. What are your thoughts on this?

❀ Feel free to share. More videos @drjulie

👉 More on this in the UK’s best selling book published in 2022 - Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? (Currently -50% see link in bio). Filled with insights from therapy about how to deal with real life problems. Available in over 40 languages 🇬🇧 đŸ‡ș🇾 🇼🇳 🇹🇳 🇹🇩 🇩đŸ‡ș đŸ‡ŠđŸ‡± đŸ‡§đŸ‡· 🇧🇬 đŸ‡­đŸ‡· 🇹🇿 đŸ‡©đŸ‡° đŸ‡ȘđŸ‡Ș đŸ‡«đŸ‡ź đŸ‡«đŸ‡· đŸ‡©đŸ‡Ș đŸ‡ŹđŸ‡· 🇭đŸ‡ș 🇼🇾 đŸ‡źđŸ‡© đŸ‡źđŸ‡± 🇼đŸ‡č đŸ‡ŻđŸ‡” đŸ‡±đŸ‡» đŸ‡±đŸ‡č đŸ‡Č🇰 đŸ‡łđŸ‡± 🇳🇮 đŸ‡”đŸ‡± đŸ‡”đŸ‡č đŸ‡·đŸ‡Ž đŸ‡·đŸ‡ș đŸ‡·đŸ‡ž 🇾🇰 🇾🇼 đŸ‡°đŸ‡· đŸ‡Ș🇾 🇾đŸ‡Ș đŸ‡čđŸ‡Œ đŸ‡č🇭 đŸ‡čđŸ‡· đŸ‡ș🇩 đŸ‡»đŸ‡ł
Wait for the end! It could only go one wayđŸ«Ł ad
All tower blocks aside, if high stress levels are making life at work harder than it needs to be, then the algorithm just worked in your favour. Over the next several months I am bringing you the latest from the scientific literature on how we can all use stress to our advantage while safeguarding ourselves from the negative effects. I will also be talking to people at @bupa and gaining insights into how they are working to improve workplace wellbeing around the world.

There is much talk across the internet about burnout. But looking out for signs and working on recovery is the last resort. We need to be focusing on wellbeing at work long before it gets that far. We all want to perform at our best without sacrificing health and wellbeing. In fact, it’s one of the most common subjects I get asked about in this community. Another common question I get asked by leaders in the workplace is how can they support their teams and help people at work who may be struggling. So if you are leading a team and want to support them in the best way possible, then watch this space. There is more to come.

If you don’t check in here often, you can hit the notifications button to get notified when the posts go up. See you soon!
đŸ”„Important to remember this.
👉Who else gets that rush of guilt when you have to say no or hold a boundary? Join the club! But that guilt might be more to do with learning earlier in life that the needs and feelings of others always trump your own. That is was your job to keep others happy. Sometimes guilt can tell us that we are not doing the right thing. But guilt is not a fact. Listen to it. Then make your decision taking into account your needs too.

❀Feel free to share.

👉 More on this in the best selling non fiction book of 2022 - Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? (Currently -50% see link in bio). Available in 40 languages. Filled with insights from therapy about how to deal with real life problems. If don’t want to read it and would like me to read it to you, it’s free when you sign up to Audible link in my bio 😉
đŸ”„Important to remember this.
👉Who else gets that rush of guilt when you have to say no or hold a boundary? Join the club! But that guilt might be more to do with learning earlier in life that the needs and feelings of others always trump your own. That is was your job to keep others happy. Sometimes guilt can tell us that we are not doing the right thing. But guilt is not a fact. Listen to it. Then make your decision taking into account your needs too.

❀Feel free to share. More videos @drjulie

👉 More on this in the UK’s best selling book published in 2022 - Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? (Currently -50% see link in bio). Filled with insights from therapy about how to deal with real life problems. Available in over 40 languages 🇬🇧 đŸ‡ș🇾 🇼🇳 🇹🇳 🇹🇩 🇩đŸ‡ș đŸ‡ŠđŸ‡± đŸ‡§đŸ‡· 🇧🇬 đŸ‡­đŸ‡· 🇹🇿 đŸ‡©đŸ‡° đŸ‡ȘđŸ‡Ș đŸ‡«đŸ‡ź đŸ‡«đŸ‡· đŸ‡©đŸ‡Ș đŸ‡ŹđŸ‡· 🇭đŸ‡ș 🇼🇾 đŸ‡źđŸ‡© đŸ‡źđŸ‡± 🇼đŸ‡č đŸ‡ŻđŸ‡” đŸ‡±đŸ‡» đŸ‡±đŸ‡č đŸ‡Č🇰 đŸ‡łđŸ‡± 🇳🇮 đŸ‡”đŸ‡± đŸ‡”đŸ‡č đŸ‡·đŸ‡Ž đŸ‡·đŸ‡ș đŸ‡·đŸ‡ž 🇾🇰 🇾🇼 đŸ‡°đŸ‡· đŸ‡Ș🇾 🇾đŸ‡Ș đŸ‡čđŸ‡Œ đŸ‡č🇭 đŸ‡čđŸ‡· đŸ‡ș🇩 đŸ‡»đŸ‡ł
👉Don’t wait to feel confident before starting. It won’t arrive spontaneously.👇TIPS FOR BUILDING CONFIDENCE BELOW:
‱ Action builds confidence over time.
‱ Rather than big, one-off actions, go for consistency over intensity. Repetition that you can sustain is crucial for building confidence.
‱ You don’t have to overwhelm yourself. Start small and manageable in the stretch zone where you make most progress with performance.

The model in this video is adapted from Karl Rohnke’s Comfort, Stretch and Panic model, which was developed based on the Yerkes-Dodson law. This law posits that peak performance happens when people experience a moderate amount of pressure.

👉 More on this in the best selling non fiction book of 2022 - Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? (Currently -50% see link in bio). Available in 40 languages. Filled with insights from therapy about how to deal with real life problems. If don’t want to read it and would like me to read it to you, it’s free when you sign up to Audible link in my bio 😉
Wait for it! 😬 So many of us numb our emotion because the natural instinct is to push away anything painful or uncomfortable. You imagine that if you allow any of your emotions to surface, that they’ll all rise up and you’ll lose control of them, maybe even struggle to calm them again. This is a common fear that prevents many people from talking about how they feel or accessing therapy. But there is a misconception about how you work through trauma in therapy. A therapist will never ask you to bring up old wounds until they trust that you can manage those painful emotions safely. And one of the reasons that therapy takes time is that it’s not done all at once. Things are done at your own pace in a safe space and only when you both decide that you are ready.

👉 More on this in the best selling non fiction book of 2022 - Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? (Currently -50% see link in bio). Available in 40 languages. Filled with insights from therapy about how to deal with real life problems. If don’t want to read it and would like me to read it to you, it’s free when you sign up to Audible link in my bio 😉
You might need to hear this today!
👉 Hands up on the comments who else tends to set a massive goal and then go all for a a week or two before fizzling out? If you do you’re not alone. I think we do this when we favour intensity over consistency. But if we can commit to a change that is small enough to persist at over time then the gains far exceed that short but intense burst.

So when you want to make a change, focus less on what the results might be and when they will arrive. Instead focus on creating a process that feels easy enough to do consistently. Once it becomes a part of your everyday routine your brain is great at starting to automate some of that for you so that you don’t have to rely on motivation as much as when you started.

👉 The example of the plane in this video was inspired by James Clear who is another great translator of the research on habit change. Others include Charles Duhigg and BJ Fogg.

👉 More on this in the best selling non fiction book of 2022 - Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? (Currently -50% see link in bio). Available in 40 languages. Filled with insights from therapy about how to deal with real life problems. If don’t want to read it and would like me to read it to you, it’s free when you sign up to Audible link in my bio 😉
Relatable?

👇Tips for people pleasers below👇

‱ Balancing your own needs with those of others is not a sign of selfishness. It is a sign of emotional maturity. When we start to set boundaries, how we frame it in our minds is crucial to help us with the guilt feelings that often come up when we start making changes.
‱ If you notice that your identity is wrapped up in your care taking roles, this can make it even more difficult to make changes. It’s ok to still have that but there may be room to expand your sense of who you are to include other areas of your life and other skills that you have.
‱ If you are no longer sure what your own preferences are because you have always deferred to what others want, then it’s time to start experimenting with small decisions and reflecting on your own experiences.
‱ Keep reminding yourself that it is possible to say no and still be a good person.

👉 More on this in the UK’s best selling non fiction book of 2022 - Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? (Currently -50% see link in bio). Available in 40 languages. Filled with insights from therapy about how to deal with real life problems. If don’t want to read it and would like me to read it to you, it’s free when you sign up to Audible link in my bio 😉
👉The most important thing to know about depression is this:
You don’t have to meet the criteria for depression before you start seeking help. If you know your mental health is dipping, it’s never too soon to start focusing on your wellbeing. And there are lots of avenues to do that. Here’s a few:
‱ Start educating yourself on the various ways you can help yourself and begin putting what you learn into action.
‱ Talk to someone you trust. Good quality human connection is more powerful than any of us give it credit for.
‱ Speak to a professional. They can help you consider your options and support you through your recovery.
‱ Don’t ignore the signs that your mind and body need attention. The sooner you start to meet your own needs, the quicker you will get back to feeling more yourself.

👉 More on this in the best selling non fiction book of 2022 - Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? (Currently -50% see link in bio). Available in 40 languages. Filled with insights from therapy about how to deal with real life problems. If don’t want to read it and would like me to read it to you, it’s free when you sign up to Audible link in my bio 😉
👉 The last one is the most important! What else would you add to these? Share with me in the comments what you wish everybody understood about depression.

Nobody can know these things until they know, so these conversations about mental health are helping to squash some of the old misconceptions that were once widely held. Those misconceptions can hold people back in their own recovery. They can also hold people back from being able to support in the most effective way.

Here are some more tips for how to support someone with their mental health:

* It’s ok if you don’t know how to talk about the painful stuff. You don’t have to be a therapist to be a great support. For example, distraction from your own distress by chatting with a friend can be just as helpful.
* If you are not sure what is the right thing to say, tell them. Let them know that you care about them and want to help, but have no idea how. Ask them what support would be most helpful to them right now.
* Try to help in ways that promote recovery rather than hinder it. For example, if your loved one is managing to cook for themselves, join them but don’t take over the activity. Taking a break from something can make it harder to go back to it. Instead, help like offering childcare while they go to therapy or a doctor makes working on recovery easier.

👉More on this in my No.1 Bestselling book, Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? (Currently -50% off @ £8 inc delivery see link in bio) Available worldwide. Filled with insights from therapy about how to deal with real life problems. If don’t want to read it and would like me to read it to you, it’s free when you sign up to Audible link in my bio 😉
One of the biggest mistakes people make when working on big change is underestimating the power of those small, consistent actions that embed us in a new way of living. If we can focus on the small, daily steps in the process, the results start to take care of themselves. And when we take on the new process as a part of our identity, it no longer takes the conscious effort and motivation that it needed when you first started. It’s just who you are now.

❀ Feel free to share @drjulie

👉 More on this in my International Bestselling book, Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? (Currently -50% see link in bio). Filled with insights from therapy about how to deal with real life problems. If don’t want to read it and would like me to read it to you, it’s free when you sign up to Audible link in my bio 😉
👉The last sentence is something that so many people seem to resonate with. An ability to neglect or even completely disregard your own emotions while being highly sensitive to how everyone else is feeling around you.

This often makes sense when you start to unravel the learning that occurred in early life when you were entirely dependent on the adults around you. But once we reach adulthood, that way of relating to people can make it more difficult to find personal fulfilment or to have healthy relationships.

Do you notice this showing up in your own life? When does it happen? And what does it cost you? What price do you pay for only listening to the emotions of others?

👉 For more on this and other insights from therapy, check out my No.1 bestselling book, Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? See link in bio.
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